Great Sexpectations – How to talk to your lover in Bed

Everything is going really smooth. We talk a little; dip our big toe in the water and then BAMM! The subject comes along. Mostly through the back door, though.  Kind of a big surprise that slowly built itself up and crept right in and snuggled itself in bed, that subject that comes along that pretty much says, “I am getting to know you for a reason.” Almost like the business that sets up people for twenty seconds and the couple instantly knows whether or not they want to get to know each other. Do they want to date? Do they have any intention of actually having sex with this person? Some people know right then and there if that person is marriage material. Does she clean enough, cook enough actually meet your needs?  Is he rough enough, tough enough or even rich enough? Here are some communication tips on finding that out:

  1. Be honest – Take a good hard look at yourself. If she’s 42 and you’re 22 don’t act like she was born yesterday. You have faults as well as she. Time to get them out in the open.
  2. Use empathy – When citing faults how would you like them presented? Don’t just blurt hers out like she is some sort of paid hooker listening to your problems. She has feelings whether or not she will tell you are another story.
  3. Be assertive – You have a right to stand up for yourself as well as she but try to have manners. Don’t be rash. If something bothers you find a healthy way to tell her. Remember the above points in telling her. Tell her you expect the same from her.
  4. Don’t be passive – No one can read minds. Tell her why you are extra moody, quiet or whatever it is that she can tell that something is bothering you. Be assertive and tell her if you think she is being too passive about her feelings also.
  5. Don’t be aggressive – No hitting, yelling or any kind of abusive behavior should never be tolerated in a relationship.
  6. Use I feel a lot – This says you are not blaming her but putting the action on yourself. Don’t tell her how she feels but how you feel. You could also tell her you expect the same from her.
  7. Don’t use you always – Big warning sign when this is used and it doesn’t mean always either. Try to find another way to put how you feel.
  8. Don’t assume anything – You never know what could come out of the wash.

These are some tips to keep in mind when talking to that special someone you are trying to make a good impression on. Men and women really are different and the same in their own way. Good communication keeps the relationship alive. Talk to your lover in bed. It’s not just all about you.

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